35 weeks, 5 days

The time has come, once again.

Today, I am 35 weeks and 5 days along in my pregnancy.

With Lilliana, 35 weeks and 5 days was the last day I had with her.
It was the day I got ready for my date night with Rog.
It was the night we dropped our little ones off at the Boes so we could first visit Michelle and baby Chase at the hospital and then to grab a bite to eat at Chili's.
It was the night I just HAD to stop at my parents house and grab my all time favorite treat!(a cinnabon)
It was the night I went to bed and woke up at 1:30 with a full bladder
It was the night where just another hour later I woke up once again with the thought that my bladder was going out of control.
It was the early morning of rushing to the hospital after realizing my water had broke and not my bladder. *smirk*
It was the final moments watching my little girl look out at us on the ultrasound screen.
It was the joy of talking to Rog and my mother about our final baby names.
And,
It was the moment of panic trying to save a little baby from a womb that was breaking down.
It was the moment of waking up from a c-section, hearing sniffs and silence, waiting to tell a mother their child didn't make it to a breathe.

35 weeks and 5 days.
The most precious weeks I had with our 3rd child, my second little girl, Lilliana Grace.

Now, I am there again today.
I have thought about this day quite often over the last few weeks.
How would I handle it, how will I think about it and how will I make myself remember that this pregnancy is not Lilliana's and God has a plan and possibly a different one for this day, this time around.

If only I can make it past this day then this baby will be fine.

I don't really know that but I have hope.

Will I go to bed tonight only to wake up once again to my water breaking?
If that is God's plan then I will be ready.
If not, then I will do my best to wait patiently for what he has planned this time around.

I am excited to have this child.

35 weeks and 5 days this time around is becoming difficult.

Hard to sit, stand, sing at church without becoming winded.
Hard to sleep, stay asleep and roll over without feeling like my hips are going to break.

Hard to wait patiently for when this child is ready to get here
Hard to sit and feel the Braxton Hicks and not start timing with hope that it's for real.
Hard to not just go check myself into the hospital so that I can have this child and hold this little one in my arms.

I am so thrilled that I am 35 weeks and 5 days today!
I am thrilled for the aches and pains and slow movements!

All of that is letting me know that this little one will be here soon and Lord willing be able to stay here with us so that a little 2 and 3 year old can squeeze, kiss and hover this little one to pieces!

Today is a happy and memorable day all at the same time.
I wouldn't say it was a sad day because I have learned so much about my Lord since Lilliana has left us.

I look at her picture and miss her face but also see the joy God has allowed me to have this year in all of the little moments.
His teachable moments of who HE is, what I am not and what I am here for.
The moments of watching the children that He has for me here and realizing that they are as much a blessing to me as Lilliana is all because they were gifts from God!

I am so thankful!

I am so blessed!

I am SO ready to start on a new journey, whether it is a path like Lilliana's or a path where we will be adding another little one to our life.

I am ready!

I think. *smirk*