THOUGHTS AND A LOT OF REALIZING!

One year ago today Rog and I were out for a date night.
The Boes were watching Luke and Olivia so we could enjoy a night with each other.
Our first stop was the hospital to visit friends that had just had a baby boy.
Our visit was so enjoyable and took up most of our evening.On the way out(along with the way in) I had nurses ask me if I was sure that I didn't need a room. All I did was laugh and joke with them because I still had four weeks to go.

Silly nurses.*smirk*

One year ago Rog and I had a lovely dinner at chilis.
Having an adult conversation, enjoying our amazing fajitas before heading back to get our little ones.

One year ago I had a delicious cinnabon waiting for me at my mothers house that I most definitely had to pick up before heading home. (of course) What's a date night without a yummy dessert. Crazy what you will remember.
Sad to say though that I was just way too stuffed to enjoy it completely so instead, saved it. (BIG MISTAKE!)

One year ago I went to bed only to wake up soon after to my water breaking and preparing myself for the arrival of our precious 3rd child.

And.

One year ago I woke up from emergency surgery to hear that the child living inside of me for 9 months was now gone.



And today...

Finding myself about half crazed because the balloons I wanted for a child that was no longer here were not available to me.

Realilzing that every attempt to buy the display balloon was failing because it was filled with air and not helium.

Realizing that a hot pink balloon was just not the right color for my little girl and that light pink was EXACTLY what she needed to make everything just right.

REALLY? Does my mind not understand yet?

Today, finding myself after the balloon fiasco explaining to the lady how this really shouldn't be a big deal but for some odd reason it was.

Sales Lady:"I am guessing your daughter is turning one?"

Me: "Yes, well, she would have turned one but she is no longer here."

Sales Lady:"Oh, I am sorry."

Me:"And I am not sure why this is a big deal because it isn't but apparantly it is because I am being picky over a color of pink."

Sales Lady:"No, I get it. It is a big deal"

But what I felt her saying was, "Oh why did I even go there."

Oh well, what are you gonna do.

And today,
finding myself rushing around to get everything situated before a day of rememberance of a little one that, even though wasn't here for long, apparantly had a very big impact on my life.


"Lord, keep me focused!"