Another Day

Well, another month has gone by, but it feels as if it has been so much longer than just 2 months since our Lilliana Grace has left us.

I passed by her grave today and saw that the ground next to her has been broken and someone else has gone down this path of loss.
I figured it would one day happen but was hoping it wouldn't happen for a while. My heart aches at the thought that some other family has to go through this pain!
Thinking of everything we have dealt with in the last two months makes me want to find out who this family is and just help them through every step. I would love to tell them that it isn't so bad and it gets easier but I'm afraid I would be lying to them. There aren't many words to comfort for something like this. What has helped me so much is those that just look at me and in their eyes I see strong glares of them saying, "You know, I have no clue but I'm here and I care." I know this isn't easy for others who are on the opposite side trying to give support to the family in need but I am thankful for their strong glares of hope.
At our service for Lilliana, a man that I have known for many years came up to me, hugged me and said, "Sorry, but I have no words." I smiled back at him, thanked him and said, "You have already said so much. I don't need to hear words to know what you are saying."

I figured after 2 months, I would be distracted the most by my children, housework and life, but the time is coming for summer to be over, rog to go back to work and my routine to begin. In the past, my routine consisted of cleaning our house while nursing a baby and working around nap times. This year, Luke and Liv are much older and don't need me in the same ways as before. I don't know how to be in my home during the winter and not nursing a little baby. I have done that the last few years. I am not sure I am ready to embrace this freedom. I know. My days will be different and Luke and Liv will keep me plenty busy but I was looking forward to the crazy, hectic schedule. I know. I don't make much sense.
My body is healing quite well, I can hold my children, play with them and do things I haven't been able to for quite some time. That is great and all but not being able to do all of those things and being stuck in a chair helped keep the memory close and new. Now that everything is changing, their is a fear of forgetting and only having a little memory of what once was.
Once again, God is good and has blessed us so much already and I know he will be faithful to bless us in the future.
I was at a store a month ago and found a little plaque with they saying, "Faith, Makes things possible..... not easy."
Because I know the promises of God and know that he will make everything work out for my good, that makes it possible to get through the day but doesn't make the process easy to go through.
Yes, it gives me hope and helps me through the hard days but I am sure this road is a long and bumpy one. I am sure the biggest bumps are behind me but it is just staying on the path that is going to be my focus.
I miss my little baby. I am struggling with the thought of her not being here with us but I know that for some reason this is for our BEST!